Mack and Mark

Under the best of circumstances, a relationship is hard to keep together. The modern earth we live in can make the job of keeping a relationship on track even more difficult. Between both partners having busy schedules that include work, overtime, kids, and life in general, there does not seem to be much time for partners to spend together strengthening their relationship. When they do have time together, it would seem that they are constantly discussing monetary considerations or other make any differences instead of their relationship. This makes it hard for many partners to keep the love and commitment in their relationship.

When partners start this pattern, they should seek marriage and relationship counselling prior to their relationship gets beyond help. Seeking counselling early will give the couple a much better chance of saving their marriage or relationship. That is one thing that should be made clear, guidance is not just for those that are married, any couple can make use of guidance if they are interested in keeping a relationship together. Marriage and relationship counselling can work well, and be the ideal solution for any couple that is seeking answers to the issues that are interfering with their relationship. The one thing that both folks need to prepare themselves for is the likelihood that the answers you receive from your counsellor may not be what you expect.

Someone that is well trained in marriage and relationship counselling will know not to take sides. This can be a problemfor some that go to counselling, because they assume the counsellor will take their side against their partner. A qualified counsellor will understand that there is never any “right” or “unsuitable” in a relationship, that each person will have valid points and issues.

When a relationship runs into difficulties it is never a issue of which person is right or incorrect about an issue, the issues lies with how the couple need to have issues.

Partners that talk issues out and come to an equitable solution are less probably to have problem. The partners that end up having issues are the ones that argue about issues and never come to a solution. Instead of rationally solving the issue, they permit their feelings to be brought into every conversation, when that happens issues never seem to get resolved.

Marriage and relationship counselling will teach each person to own their feelings and remove them from everyday choices. Many people will have troubles doing this and it could take a lot of time and practice for some to reach the point where they can keep their feelings in check. When discussing an issue each person desires to learn to stay on the issue, and not use the issue as an excuse to make a personal attack against his or her partner.

Your counsellor will also have one-on-one conversations with both people so that they can search for behavioral patterns that might be in the way of the relationship. Many people get very relaxed with destructive patterns such as anger, the person may be so at ease with their way of dealing conflict that they may not realise what they are doing. When the counsellor points out these patterns, some people will be embarrassed, some will be defensive, and others will strive to modify the pattern.

Marriage and relationship counselling can assist both companions in dealing with all of their personal issues that could be affecting the relationship. If one person has low self-esteem, the counsellor will help them create their confidence. People without having any self-esteem will often let their companions take advantage of them inside of the relationship. This is not a good situation for either partner but it is specially bad for the one who lacks confidence in themselves.

Marriage and relationship counselling can help both people uncover underlying feelings and issues that are affecting their relationship. dealing with these issues will not only make your relationship with your partner much better, it could also help you with all of the relationships in your life. There are many unique sites to seek marriage and relationship counselling. You can seek help from a professional counsellor, from someone inside your religion, or a sociable employee. No matter where you seek guidance, if you are having trouble within your marriage or relationship it is a good idea to seek the guidance and counsel of a trained outside party.

We offer quality marriage counselling sydney and across NSW. Associated marriage counsellors Sydney; for quality marriage counselling sydney and at 10 other locations. Call (02) 8002 1019 , 418/185 Elizabeth Street, Sydney NSW 2000.

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Have you ever got the sense that your partner thinks he or she is generally superior to you, or more entitled to things than you are? Does he or she find a host of ways to devalue you or ignore you? Does he or he try to control you? If so, you may be living with a Narcissist.

Narcissism is considered a spectrum Disorder, which means that there are degrees of manifestation of the characteristics, so a person could have a couple of Narcissistic traits, right through to many or all, which means they would be closer to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as defined in the DSMIV.

Generally speaking, Narcissism is a condition of an Inflated False Self, which gives him or her a strong sense of self importance and a grandiose image of himself. He enters into relationships entirely for the purpose of keeping his grandiosity reinforced, as a source of Narcissistic supply for himself. He will idealise those who mirror this for him and devalue anyone as soon as they don’t. There is a real lack of genuine empathy for, or real interest in others, and a massive denial of his own problems, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.
How did you become a willing victim? Why you?

If you find yourself in a relationship with a Narcissist, at some stage you might wonder why you? What does this say about you, your tolerance for pain and your sanity?
It is true that there is a particular kind of person that finds themself with a Narcissist, at least often well beyond the first indication that there is an underlying nastiness in him.

The kind of person who seems to unwittingly attract a Narcissist is someone who has Borderline characteristics, (which has also been referred to as Co-dependent or compliant) and has a deflated false self.

In Transactional Analysis terms, a Narcissist’s underlying Life position is I’m Ok, You’re Not OK, whereas a Borderline’s underlying Life Position is I’m Not OK, You’re OK.

Interestingly, a Borderline’s profile is less defended that the Narcissist, and less destructive to others, and therefore closer to achieving a healthy relationship, if you can gain true insight into what is happening and what is going wrong in your relationships and be able to develop a stronger identity and boundaries.
Can our relationship be helped?

If both you and your partner are committed to make your relationship a healthy and happy one, then I believe this is worth working on.

Finding a Psychologist who is familiar and experienced with these conditions is important as Narcissism can be notoriously difficult to pick up in a few sessions if the Psychologist is not trained in this. (Education on Narcissism is taught in Psychology courses but does not fully explain the widespread occurrence of this condition, and also the full ramifications of this, particularly to the partner. We at the Hart Centre are committed to ongoing training in these areas and in supporting you in managing yourself and your relationships.)

The success of relationship counselling and marriage counselling depends on many factors, but is largely due to the commitment of both partners to see their patterns and contributions, and be willing to change.

You will often not know how willing you and your partner are to do this until you attempt to do so. You will be able to see for yourselves over 3 to 6 sessions what real effort each of you are putting in to see the problems, own your contributions and make changes.

We can also support you if you have decided to leave your Narcissistic partner, and want help and assistance in rebuilding your life.

The Hart Centre has 54 centres for relationship and marriage counselling around Australia, so you will most probably find one close to you. You will find our Sydney relationship counselling centres in 15 different locations in Sydney, both in the CBD and suburbs. In Adelaide we have relationship and marriage counselling centres in 5 locations across Adelaide. Phone 1300830552 to speak to our friendly receptionists.

For relationship counselling Sydney and marriage counselling Sydney contact the Hart Center. The Hart Center can also help with marriage counselling Adelaide.